4:57pm
Can #1
Warm and sticky. Subsequent cans will be refrigerated prior to consumption.
Not too difficult to get down. Burped five times. Wish I'd waited three minutes
for a nice round start time.
5:12pm
Can #2
Fifteen minutes just isn't enough to cool down a can of Coke. You can do that trick
with salt and ice and stuff to make it cold real quick, but last time I tried it
with beer, and it worked fine, but it had been in salty water, so when I opened it
and started to drink it, it just tasted like salt. And salty beer is fucking horrible.
Only four burps this time.
5:20pm
Can #3
Whoah, starting to feel a bit kinda bloated now. I shouldn't have got through that last
one so fast. I was thinking about the aluminium the cans are made of, I wonder how many
I'd have to drink before I got like...aluminium poisoning.
"The principal symptom of aluminum poisoning is the loss of intellectual function;
forgetfulness, inability to concentrate, and in extreme cases, full blown dementia."
As I'm mass drinking Coke for the sole purpose of writing a blog, I'd say I'm starting
to show early symptoms already. Jeez. Holding steady at four burps per can.
Oh, one thing I should mention is that I'm very sensitive to sugar. Once I ate half an
apple pie in one sitting and spent the next hour sat on the floor shivering like a rape
victim. And this ain't no Coke Zero.
5:35pm
Can #4
The burping has subsided! The six year old deep inside me is a little disappointed, I'd
half made a deal with him that he could try burping the alphabet on the next can. He'll
get over it though. If six year old me can deal with being locked in a coal shed for days,
he can deal with being lied to about his alphabet-burping prospects.
No, I joke, I wasn't locked in a coal shed. What, because I lived up north you assume there
was coal everywhere?
My stomach has become carbonated. It has dimples like a basketball.
5:46pm
Can #5
Heh, I'm getting kinda giddy now. I keep wanting to just got HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH really loud.
Occasionally I do. The burps came back, so I tried the alphabet thing. Got as far as nearly
vomiting on "A" and gave up. I'll annoy people by posting lots of stupid videos on Facebook.
"Sonic 2 can be used to clean up stubborn stains! Cover bald patches! Cut vegetables Julienne!"
heeehehe. I'm also getting quite warm. But that might just be the shed. First pee break is
coming up very shortly. I wonder if breaking the seal is the same with drinking cola?
Man that was some bright yellow pee. Any more yellow and I swear it'd have been lemon
flavoured. Though that kinda makes it sound like I drank it and it wasn't lemon. I didn't.
Definitely got the Coke sweats. Eesh.
Next can!
5:59pm
Can #6
Right, an hour in! It's fuckin hard keeping up this pace. that's like, one every ten minutes.
It scares me that there's another two in the fridge. And then a whole other pack of ten.
This could really go downhill. But for now, I'm on top of the world! Kinda sick of the taste
of Coke though. Really sick of it. It's almost like being drunk, actually! Handy, I'm running
low on beer. The burps are back in force! I'm getting quite good at it. Can't do the alphabet,
but my Smoke On The Water is second to none. Hands are getting a bit trembly.
6:18pm
Can #7
Yes, breaking the seal happens with Coke.
From: james_porphyria@hotmail.com
To: ccgb_cic_team@eur.ko.com
Dear Coke-a-Cola people,
If I were to drink like, 15 cans of coke for the purposes of writing a vaguely humorous blog,
what kind of health consequences might there be?
Any tips on ways to make Coke more interesting? Like adding lemon or something?
Sincerely,
James
From: ccgb_cic_team@eur.ko.com
To: james_porphyria@hotmail.com
Dear James,
Thank you for contacting us with your enquiry.
Our products are safe to consume as part of a balanced and varied diet. We would therefore not recommend
drinking 15 cans of ‘Coca Cola’ in a day. ‘Coca Cola’ contains 139kcals per can and so this would amount to
over 2000 calories which is the majority of the Guideline Daily Amount for energy intake for men.
‘Coca Cola’ also contains caffeine and so you would consume a reasonable amount of caffeine (equivalent to
5 mugs of instant coffee).
You may wish to try one of our other varieties of ‘Coca-Cola’ such as ‘Coca-Cola Zero’, ‘Diet Coke’,
‘Coca Cola’ Cherry, ‘Diet Coke’ Cherry and ‘Diet Coke’ Lemon Zest.
Kind regards,
Laura Tomsett
Consumer Information Centre
Coca-Cola Great Britain
From: james_porphyria@hotmail.com
To: ccgb_cic_team@eur.ko.com
Ahh man, I've just realised I spelt it "Coke-a-Cola" in my intial email! This is clearly wrong, and should
be ignored. I was thinking of Be-Bop-A-Lula. Thank you for not drawing attention to my error by using
speech marks every single time you write the words "coca-cola". That would have been tactless and humiliating.
Sincerely,
James.
